What's up, Doc?

Before writing this little gem, I felt compelled to brush up on patient- client privileges and reread the Hippocratic Oath. Having erred on the side of caution, I can now safely say that my appointed "physician" probably has not read either. I am absolutely, unequivocally speechless. My only relief lies in the fact that I'm heading to PNG soon and he, after six months, still seems to have no earthly idea where that is. Dare I speak too soon, but -I survived! The danger doesn't lie on that atoll, oh no no no; it lies just a few blocks down from the Weser River. I am slightly torn between (a) informing people that if you're traveling anywhere equatorial (which, for this purpose, is defined as any region extending up to, down to, and including the north and south poles.) please do NOT go see this man, and (b) not dragging his name back and forth through the mud; let people decide for themselves.

Meh. This guy cost not only myself but my poor sweet pharmacist countless hours of head- scratching and Googling, so we'll just settle on this- no actual names will be mentioned. Since you're reading this, I'm guessing you are well aware which way I am/was leaning toward. Needless to say I trust this guy with my health and well-being slightly less than I would entrust it to the collaborative efforts of Dr. Jekyll,  Dr. Conrad Murray (too soon?), and a used pair of Doc Martens.

Rewind to September, 2012. I was tipped off right away when he attempted to look up Papua in an outdated travel/ medical text and I corrected him "no, not the Indonesian side- try closer to there- by those islands; yeah, those ones" (New Britain, New Ireland, Bougainville etc). At least now we were in the right country. After skimming over a few lines he declared "nope, you're good to go!" slamming the book shut. Hell, I'm no expert (either), but I tried prompting him with the first thing that came to mind. "How about malaria?", I insisted.  He instructed me to point on a map where exactly it was that I was going. I pointed to where a dot should be (Takuu), and Mr. Wise Ass replied " how far is it from here (Bougainville- I had informed him of this 'launching location' already) to here (Takuu). I told him around 250 km, to which he quipped "well, mosquitoes can't fly that far." AHA, we've established a possible area of expertise, or perhaps just general knowledge?- the life cycle of the Anopheles mosquito! Problem is, I generally don't fly- or walk- that far on my own either. I use transportation in the form of planes, trains, automobiles and boats -all technically considered "vectors" in their own right. ;) In addition, before I get to "where the dot should be", I have to first (still pointing) go here, and here, and here. And I don't know how long I will have to be HERE!!!

It gets better I promise, but the Tetanus, Diphtheria and a Typhoid vaccination have left me floored. I can't seem to shake this headache; just in time too: boy wonder recalled my pain medication, much to the dismay of myself and my pharmacist! Tip of the Iceberg, peoples, but alas. To be continued...

***this is as good a place as any to announce that the above stated half completed story of doom is, to the best of my knowledge and experience, an anomaly in German healthcare. I have seen other physicians and specialists in the Bremen area, and they have ALL (save the one) been top notch! My sincere appreciation for their professionalism and care!